By Ronald W. Weathersby
Each May, National Foster Care Month provides an opportunity to tell the story of nearly 400,000 American children and youth under 18 in the foster care system. The campaign attempts to raise awareness about the urgent needs of these young people and encourages citizens from every walk of life to get involved – as foster or adoptive parents, volunteers, mentors, employers or in other ways.
Children of color enter the system too often and stay in the system too long. This reality is known as “disproportionality.” In Tennessee and across the nation an unbalanced number of African-American children are involved in the foster care system. Thus, African-American children spend more time in care, wait longer for adoption and, age out of foster care without an adoptive family or permanent placement more at a higher rate than other children.
These are children for whom it has historically been difficult to place in foster homes. Hard to place children include sibling groups, minority children, children with special needs and adolescents.
Adolescents in need of foster care are generally regarded as hard to place. Many of these teens would benefit greatly from the structure, support, consistent attention and positive emotional experience that living within the loving care of a foster family would provide. Frequently, these children have been through traumatic experiences within their own families that are generally characterized by conflict and feelings of rejection. They are emotionally and sometimes physically hurt and as a result can be vulnerable and defensive. Yet they do understand and long for the hope and promise that a stable family environment may provide.
For many of the children the words, “we’re sorry, but we cannot find a foster home for you,” unfortunately translates to there is not a single family who is willing to take me in. In too many instances they believe hard to place equals hard to love and for many of these children, they often cannot help but conclude that impossible to place means impossible to love.
Statistics show the future bodes poorly for many of the children in the foster care system, a top official with Arrow Child and Family Ministries said. Arrow, an international child-placement agency, claims the statistics describe a “national foster care crisis.”
According to national statistics 40 to 50 percent of those children will never complete high school. Sixty-six percent of them will be homeless, go to jail or die within one year of leaving the foster care system at 18. In many states including Tennessee, a high percentage of the prison population were once in foster care, and girls in foster care are 600 percent more likely than the general population to become pregnant before the age of 21.
The children in the system come from broken families and need help. Many experts believe that America must make a decision to either take care of these children now, when we have the opportunity to make lifelong change, or we’re going to take care of these children when they are 22 or 23 and they’re homeless or they’re in the prison system.
The children who are in foster care today need adults in our society to step up and become that stability, or else we may see the same statistics perpetuate themselves in our community.
However, with the help of dedicated people, many formerly abused or neglected children and teens will either reunite safely with their parents, be cared for by relatives or be adopted by loving families. Many children would not have to enter foster care at all if more states provided support and services to help families cope with crises early on. There is currently a debate in Tennessee whether this state is committed to addressing this crisis effectively.
Nashville native and resident, Donna Neal has been in the state system and has had siblings in state care. A successful professional, Donna was told by a friend that she’d be a great foster parent.
“She told me ‘kids need someone like you,’” Donna. “He told me I’d make a good foster mom.”
In the past three years Donna has fostered 30-40 children, including brief respite visits.“I knew it would be challenging,” Donna said. “But I gave it a chance.”
Her first experience didn’t get started so well and Donna had to step back and recalled her difficult teenage years. “I’d planned to call and ask for her to be removed from the home,” Donna said. “But she didn’t have a family. It was around the holidays, and I realized how painful this time of year was for a child with no family. She acted the only way she knew how, and I knew then that I would not give up on this girl.”
That first one was a model for the rest of the children Donna’s helped. Abuse, broken homes, addictions, Donna finds a way to reach the children, get on their level and encourage them.
“I’ve always loved children,” Donna, who has a grown biological daughter, said. “I don’t try to be the children’s mother, but I make sure they have the opportunity to be teenagers finding their independence. They choose what to eat for dinner. They go shopping with me and choose what they want to wear.”
And those decisions can carry weight with the children. Donna has two foster children now, 15 and 17. “I’m proud of them,” she says.
For Donna, she believes it is a calling, something she was destined to do – to show her children another path and let them see what the possibilities can be with the support and safety of a good home.
“These children need people of all kinds,” she said. “They want a home where someone cares for them. Given the situation many of the children have gone through, I think they are grateful to be able to go back to being a kid again, find their way, and choose a productive path for the future.”
Donna says she encourages people to get involved and investigate becoming foster parents.
“It’s all I talk about,” Donna said in an interview with the Tribune. “I tell them how it’s changed my life…when I realize that I was able to help some kids. They make me feel so special.”
That’s why people should get involved in foster parenting.
If you are interested in becoming a Resource Parent for Tennessee children, please call 1-877-DCS-KIDS or contact a private foster care agency.